having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
