I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
