Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
