i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I need water and some morals
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
