fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
