Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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