btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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