non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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