Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
