This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
