You're my little dorito
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
