I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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