you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
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