He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
