Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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