maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
