Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
