I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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