dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
