I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
