Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
