I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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