its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
They took my balls.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
