Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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