first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
