Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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