ugly people sure do ruin things
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The beers last night were like the tears from god
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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