we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just gargled with NyQuil
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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