Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
