Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
