If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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