I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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