The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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