TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
where are my eyebrows?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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