I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
