we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
