idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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