he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
