I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I want her autograph on my taint
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
