Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
