i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize