It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
