i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
