i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
