dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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