If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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