Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He did a backflip because drugs
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
