Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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