My friends, they love my intelligence
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
