i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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