so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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