I'm laying in your front yard are you home
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
