Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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