I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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