turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
