I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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