You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
