and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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