how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
