mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
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