I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
