I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
