i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
