I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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