I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
