I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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