If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
