Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
two words...techno handjob
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
